I consider myself to be an intimate person. Someone who values connection and vulnerability, openness and the deepest of loving. I often attributed intimacy more to my relationships with others. I knew and know that I wanted to experience relationships (romantic and otherwise) without resistance to the nature of my being, in a way that allowed me to fall deeply and free without fear of the consequence.
As I continued to explore and redefine relationships with the people close to me, I realized that my desires for deep connection were misguiding the possibilities of fruitful connections by not allowing others to express where they were in their journey to self intimacy while in relationship to mine.
My connection to myself, in it’s most colorful view of this intimacy allows me to recognize, connect and react to myself and others in a way that affirms my relationship with myself first and shows me how firm I am in my own connection to not be disrupted by the lack of connection from someone outside of myself while simultaneously honoring where they are own their own spectrum of self intimacy.
Not necessarily synonymous with self love, I’ve defined self intimacy for myself on a spectrum. For me, self love is a by product of compacting efforts to heal my relationship with myself and self intimacy is one of those efforts. By intentionally falling into myself and honoring me in a way that is honest and proclaims my value, I build bridges of purpose that uplift my intuition, self expression, and connection with myself. I do this without measuring myself against others. I do this while recognizing that someone’s ability or even someone’s willingness to connect with me deeply is not a measure of me, or even always a measure of the depths of the relationship that we can cultivate with one another. Honoring others is intimate. Honoring the way that others connect with themselves and respecting their intimate boundaries is a reflection of secure self intimacy.
This is where I am as of today….it helps, it may change, but for now this connection with myself serves me.